{"id":1577,"date":"2008-08-18T10:27:11","date_gmt":"2008-08-18T14:27:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tyronepa.com\/v3\/?p=1577"},"modified":"2008-08-19T10:32:38","modified_gmt":"2008-08-19T14:32:38","slug":"lifes-coloring-book-a-column-by-suzi-walls-for-the-daily-herald-7","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tyronepa.com\/?p=1577","title":{"rendered":"Lifes Coloring Book A column by Suzi Walls for The Daily Herald"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>As Walzie charged through the door, the sickening sweet smell hit him like a flyswatter on a wasp. He slammed his lunch pail on the counter and leaped the basement stairs two at a time. Stopping just short of the bottom, he surveyed the situation. Slowly, he sat and cradled his head in his hands with overwhelming disappointment. How could this happen? All of his hard work up in \u2026 well, let\u2019s just say blown to bits. I guess maybe I need to back up a bit and tell you the beginning of the story.
\nLong before I picked Walzie up out of the gutter (Although, he claims that it was the other way around.) his beverage of choice had more kick than Diet Mountain Dew. I guess one could still call it \u201cmountain dew\u201d, though. It didn\u2019t matter whether it was brewed with corn, hops, grapes, or dandelion; Walzie was game to try it. But he soon decided that grape was his favorite, and another \u201cget-rich\u201d neon dollar sign flashed above his head.
\nHe thumbed through one of those mail-order fruit catalogs and suddenly, right there on the page, surrounded by those dollar signs, was a heavy-laden grape arbor. That\u2019s it! He\u2019d grow his own grapes and manufacture the sweetest wine this side of Sapsucker Ridge. How hard could it be? Even Lucy did it. He licked the envelope, dropped it in the mail, and waited for his purple treasures to arrive.
\nDuring the six-week wait for the UPS delivery, Walzie gathered recipes and instructions from whoever would give theirs up. I can\u2019t say that he was wise to take advice from every wino he met in that gutter, but he claims that at least they knew their stuff.
\nAnd so, spring found him hoeing and tilling up fine garden sod and tenderly planting those scraggly vines in nice straight rows. He packed the babies with only the best horse manure \u2013 of which he had plenty. He watered them with a concoction of Miracle Grow and white lime. And they grew. The first year was not fruitful, but by year number two \u2013 viola, big fat juicy grapes! We\u2019re in the money now!
\nWalzie happened across a wooden pickle barrel that he knew would work perfectly. He harvested his precious grapes and filled the barrel. Now, who was going to stomp those squishy little devils? Yeah, you guessed it. The Lucy in his life \u2013 that other goofy redhead. I kicked off my flip-flops (Notice, I didn\u2019t call them thongs. Didn\u2019t want to confuse anybody.) and Walzie lifted me into the barrel. I sunk to my behind in cold, mushy grapes. I took a step and they squished between my toes like stepping barefoot into cow poo (don\u2019t ask me how I know \u2013 I just do). How the heck did Lucy do this?
\n\u201cCome on, hon,\u201d Walzie coached. \u201cYa gotta dance on them. Lift those little size 5\u2019s.\u201d
\nThe hillbilly clogging in the barrel lasted until I was nearly thigh-high in juice. Tired, I climbed out brandishing my purple-stained gams.
\n\u201cGood job, dear,\u201d Walzie praised.
\n\u201cWhat\u2019s next?\u201d I huffed.
\n\u201cWe get a jug, pour in the juice, and wait until it ferments. Then we bottle and sell the stuff.\u201d
\n\u201cUh, isn\u2019t that illegal?\u201d
\n\u201cNaw, only during probation.\u201d
\n\u201cYou mean Prohibition?\u201d
\n\u201cWhatever.\u201d
\nFrom his dad, Walzie borrowed a five-gallon glass jug similar to what we buy water in today. He filled it with the grape juice, raisins, a ton of sugar, and yeast. He pounded a cork tightly in the narrow top and caulked it around the edges.
\n\u201cAre you sure this is right?\u201d I was a little skeptical.
\n\u201cHey, old Louie (from the gutter) told me how.\u201d
\nAnd Walzie set the jug in the basement.
\nNow, with his head in his hands and raisins dropping from the basement ceiling, the sweet smell of botched-up success washed those dollar signs from his tear-filled eyes. In fact, I believe that was the day Walzie turned over a new leaf and began buying that green, professionally manufactured Diet Mountain Dew.
\nAh yes, the grape arbor? It\u2019s still there, only now it just feeds the deer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As Walzie charged through the door, the sickening sweet smell hit him like a flyswatter on a wasp. He slammed his lunch pail on the counter and leaped the basement stairs two at a time. Stopping just short of the bottom, he surveyed the situation. Slowly, he sat and cradled his head in his hands […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1577","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-special-interest-news-in-the-tyrone-pennsylvania-area","category-excerpts-from-the-tyrone-daily-herald"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tyronepa.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1577","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tyronepa.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tyronepa.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tyronepa.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tyronepa.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1577"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/tyronepa.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1577\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tyronepa.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1577"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tyronepa.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1577"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tyronepa.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1577"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}